Tulane Students Stop Short of Asking for the Dead to Be Raised

At Tulane University, the Black Student Union has been making some hefty demands of their university. It seems that the only thing that they didn’t have on the list was to find a necromancer to raise the dead and demand apologies…though they probably thought about it.

Tulane University was built on land that was once a plantation. So, in the entitled generation, that translates to the Black Student Union (BSU) creating a list of demands that includes reparations to the descendants of slaves.

Okay, so how many descendants of slaves are within the BSU?

Oh, well, that’s where the BSU students start to get a bit comical. They actually want the university administrators to figure that out. They want the university to pay to track down the descendants of slaves that worked the Tulane plantation.

Sure, sure, then what? Well, they “demand” that funding be used to offer the descendants of the enslaved full tuition, room, and board, and a living stipend for every semester they attend Tulane.

The demand, posted to Instagram, explains that “Tulane must first acknowledge the trauma it has inflicted on black community members. It is Tulane’s responsibility to recognize their longstanding history of racism and take actionable steps to reconcile those practices.”

How has Tulane had a history of racism? They may be located on a former plantation, but that’s where the racism stops. Tulane has a long history of diversity – and they collaborate regularly with the Office of Gender and Sexual Diversity, the Center of Academic Equity, the Office of Multicultural Affairs, and more. The University has most certainly been doing their part to ensure that racism is NOT an issue.

So, tuition, room, and board, AND a living stipend. But wait, folks…that’s not all!

Those who were descendants of slaves are getting stuff, but what about everyone else? Well, they want money from the “emotional damage and trauma” from seeing the Victory Bell, a landmark that showed up in the 1960s.

How could the Tulane presidents allow for such a thing? Well, those dead presidents can’t apologize for anything. Or can they?

Okay, so the Tulane students aren’t looking to raise the dead. But, they do want the relatives of the deceased Tulane presidents to apologize. Even though the relatives would have had nothing to do with the Victory Bell, the BSU demands are clear.

“We demand every living president of Tulane University since the bell was obtained, or a relative of the presidents if deceased, apologize to their black alumni and current student body for their negligence in addressing the slave bell’s history.”

Well, talk about holding a grudge. I’m sure that the administrators at Tulane will get right on that. Asking relatives to apologize for what past presidents did is ridiculous – and there’s no guarantee that they’ll feel the draw to actually apologize, either.

The kicker is that they have not approached this in a way that Tulane would even want to listen. They start out immediately with “demands and expectations” for their university. Further, they say that they have “authored a list of demands in light of the racial violence that has bee occurring around the country.”

So, if there wasn’t racial violence happening around the country, would they still have demands? Or, is it that they’re threatening that there will be violence at the university if the demands are not appropriately met?

The letter was signed by the BSU president, “with radical love.” Umm, that’s odd. Perhaps not as peaceful as it could have been, either.

It’s not all rainbows and flowers. They don’t have the support of the entire black community at Tulane University. Libertarian activist Rachel Altman says that the demands sound a lot like authoritarianism. In fact, she says, “Personally, I don’t think that it’s reasonable to expect the relatives of people who apparently were complicit in something to apologize for it. That’s what’s done in North Korea, not the United States. That is absolutely a culture of authoritarianism.”

We agree. And if raising zombies were a thing, the BSU would have asked for an apology from the actual past presidents.